“I just can’t understand him at all”- this was a father’s reaction about his adolescent son. When a teenage daughter left home without informing her family to live with a friend, a mother said this:
“She had the freedom to say anything at home. Even then, why didn’t she tell us about this?”
Many parents today feel that they are unable to understand their children at all. It is unclear whether the problem is that children have grown beyond the point of being understood or that parents have failed to grow along with their children.
The easiest way to understand children is to spend time with them. It is only when parents spend time with their children and listen to them that they can understand who they are and what is going on in their minds. Observing children quietly, without their knowledge, can also help parents understand their journeys and moods.
Parents, across generations, have always tried to correct children through advice. But for children, advice is often the most unbearable thing. More effective than advice- and something that truly influences children- are good role models. Even when parents live exemplary lives before their children, it does not guarantee that children will always turn out well, because many factors and circumstances around them can lead them astray. However, even if they do go astray, it is the parents’ life examples that give them the courage to return.
Avoid placing too many restrictions in front of children by constantly saying “don’t do this, don’t do that.” Warnings can be given, but it is also good for children to experience small failures and mistakes. Instead of discouraging them by saying mistakes should never happen, allowing a minor misstep in their life helps children learn how to recover from it. That is the benefit.
Never treat children as insignificant. Do not speak in ways that hurt their self-respect. Many parents show little tolerance toward their children’s mistakes and they also tend to explode in anger quickly. Neither is a healthy approach. Because of parents’ anger, some children develop a tendency to hide many things from them.
Parents always want to see their children succeed. From their perspective, that is their right. However, children must also be taught that failure exists alongside success. Only then will they not collapse completely in the face of failure. Parents should focus on shaping a personality in their children that balances both success and failure. If we observe closely, we can see that many people who end their lives due to failures- from exam failures to failures in career and family life- never received training at home on how to face failure.
Many children lie as part of their attempt to please their parents. Some lie about low marks or exam failure, thinking it would hurt their parents too much to hear the truth. Pleasing parents is not the child’s responsibility; rather, living honestly and transparently before parents is. This is another lesson that must be taught to children. Children who live without honesty and transparency become a source of deep pain for their parents.
