Karishma was a young woman whose marriage had been fixed. But as the wedding day drew closer, her worries increased. Would she really be able to get married? Would her partner remain committed to her throughout life? With such questions troubling her mind, she decided to seek counselling.
What was Karishma’s problem? She had once been in love. But when marriage came up, her lover withdrew, saying he couldn’t tie himself to one person for a lifetime. This left her deeply traumatized. Behind this was another painful memory: when Karishma was only four or five years old, her father had abandoned her and her mother. These two experiences shaped her belief that no one could stay committed in marriage for a lifetime.
Commitment issues play a major role in damaging marital life. A family and a marriage are supposed to provide security and love. But some people develop a fear of commitment. Questions like “Can I really live with one person forever? Will I lose my freedom? Will I end up getting hurt?” slowly begin to take root in their minds. This is what we call a commitment problem.
This is not a rare issue. Many in today’s generation face such fears. However, if one learns to recognize them and take the right steps to overcome them, relationships can become safer and more joyful.
Recognizing the Roots of Fear
Often, childhood experiences, broken family relationships, or painful past love or marriage experiences lie behind commitment fears. Children who grow up watching constant arguments between parents may lose faith in marriage. Those who have faced betrayal in past relationships may hesitate to trust again. For some, the fear of losing freedom becomes a huge barrier. If we can recognize where the fear comes from, we can find ways to overcome it.
Open Communication
Communication is the greatest medicine for relationships. Share your fears and doubts openly with your partner. Say honestly, “I feel afraid about marriage,” or share your concern, “Will my career suffer after marriage?” Such conversations reduce misunderstandings and help the partner become a source of comfort and confidence.
Taking Small Steps
Begin with small commitments- traveling together, making plans for a year. Gradually move toward bigger decisions such as marriage and children. Small steps pave the way for larger ones.
Developing Self-Awareness
Commitment issues don’t always arise from problems with the partner. Sometimes they stem from a lack of self- awareness or confidence. Feelings like “I am not enough” or “I cannot stay stable” can create barriers. By learning to accept oneself and build confidence, one realizes that commitment is nothing to fear.
Seeking Professional Help
Sometimes the problem can become overwhelming. In such cases, counseling or therapy can be very helpful. Individual counseling helps one understand personal fears, while couples counseling improves communication in relationships. Seeking help from a counselor is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step toward saving the relationship.
Building Trust
Trust is the foundation of every relationship. It cannot be built in a day or through words alone- it takes time and patience. Spending quality time together, keeping promises and respecting each other’s privacy all help strengthen the foundation of trust. As trust grows, the fear of commitment slowly disappears on its own.
